Fine
by Beckydaspatz
Summary: what life should have been...


I wrote this story for my twin Shauma Brown, I hope I did her proud. I love you honey!!!

"Fine"

By: Becky Taylor

He took a long drag of his cigarette, letting out a frustrated sigh as he stared at the quaint little house in front of him. "Never imagined you with a white picket fence love," he muttered to himself, taking another long drag. This was a mistake, a huge bloody mistake. He hadn't seen her in almost ten years, why the hell did it matter now. He didn't know why, but it did.

She had the strangest feeling of déjà vu as she wiped the last dish clean. "Everything ok mommy?" her daughter asked, tugging on the sleeve of her shirt. "Yeah." She assured her, shaking her mind from its stupor, "Everything is just fine."

He must have stared at the door for ten minutes before he raised his hand to rap on the wood. 'Fine quality wood.' He thought, placing another knock to its surface, "Perfect for making stakes.' The door flew open as a small, blonde headed child, smiled and waved up at him. "HI!" she called cheerfully, as Spike swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. She had piercing green-blue eyes…the eyes of her mother.

She raced to the door, making a mental note to punish her daughter later for opening the door to strangers. "Lily!" she yelled, grabbing her daughters hand and yanked her back into the safety of the house. "What did I tell you about opening the door to strangers?" she questioned, her daughter frowning slightly. "Sorry mommy," she paused. "Strangers pet…is that what we are?" There was no way she had just heard that…no flipping way. She turned slowly; releasing her grip on Lily as her hand began to shake. "Spike?"

He couldn't believe it…it was really Buffy. He face held a certain aged grace to it, but it was still her. Still the same eyes, same face, same body, he imagined same smile, but right now she was looking at him with a mixture of fear and awe. He smiled broadly, running a hand nervously through his bleached locks. "Yeah Buffy it's me."

'Ok Buffy, make your daughter leave the room, BEFORE you have a psychotic breakdown.' She thought, pushing Lily into the living room and stepping outside. "You…what are you doing here?" she questioned, her hands still shaking. "Can't pop by to say hello?" he asked innocently. "Ok, first off…" she reared back her arm and sent a punch directly into Spike's smug face.

"Bloody hell!" he roared, head cocked back from the force of the blow. "What in the hell was that for slayer?!?" he questioned angrily "THAT was for not telling me you were alive, how long have you been alive, where have you been, why are you here?" all of her questions came out in a rush of breath as he chuckled. "You know Buffy, maybe you are getting senile in your old age." She turned four shades of red as she replied. "Old? OLD?! I still have what it takes to make you a pile of dust!" again he laughed, holding a hand to his injured jaw. "That you do pet, that you do."

She wasn't sure what to do when he smiled at her like that, his face kind and inviting, his body still so….Dammit Buffy! You are married! Thoughts like that are reserved for your husband. "So…" he broke off, looking out of place as he rocked back and forth on his heels. "You gonna invite a fella in, or were you planning on having this reunion with a big pile of dust?" "What?" "Well in case you haven't noticed, there is cloud cover, hence why you are able to talk to me without me catching on fire, but the wind just picked up and any minute now, well…big pile of dust." "Right!" she cried, opening the door to her home. "Yeah come on in."

'This isn't awkward.' He decided as Buffy braided her daughter's hair, making small talk across the table. "Nice house." He stated, taking a swig from his soda. "Thanks." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear

as she answered him. "No, this wasn't awkward…it was bloody torture…send him to hell again, make him work for Angel, but not this.' Suddenly Lily was at his side, giving his black duster a tug. "Why is your name Spike?" he gulped loudly, cleared his throat and began with a "Well…"

She couldn't believe the story he had just weaved for her six year old, tales of dragons and demons and damsels in distress that she knew wasn't her. But Lily sat riveted, her feet swinging of the side of the stool as she listened intently. 'He was different.' she noticed, watching his face. His eyes were kinder, less tortured, more like the eyes of a man…the man she knew he would be someday.

'She was adorable.' He couldn't help thinking as her eyes widened in surprise. "The dragon ATE him?" she inquired, hands gripping the stool as Spike continued. 'And,' he pondered with a painful twang of his heart. 'She looks just like Buffy.' Lily dismissed herself after the story, taking her stuffed bunny and skipping off to her room and soon it was just him and Buffy…in a silence far too large to fill with small talk.

'So…you look good, no no no that is so stupid, how has life been, also stupid Buffy, where have you been for the last ten years, way to interrogate him, hungry, of course he is, he is vampire and you just gave him soda,' her thoughts raced, as Spike drummed his fingers on the table. "So…" the both started simultaneously breaking the silence with a nervous laugh. "You go first," she insisted as he shook his head. "Look Buffy there is way too much to talk about with your daughter here, call a sitter; can we go out for drinks?" "What?" she asked, twisted the towel in her hands. "You heard me, you, me, a couple of beers…you know talking." "I don't know if that is a g..g..good idea" she stuttered softly. "Come on Buffy, you haven't seen me in ten years, aren't there things you wanna know?" She met his gaze…she did, she did want to know, where he had been, what had happened, why he chose now of all times to find her. "Fine Spike, a couple drinks, but just because we are old friends."

'Friends,' years ago he would have begged her to consider him as such, now it just sounded like an insult. "Alright then, call someone to watch the little bit and we will get out of here." He said, pushing his chair in. "I will." She replied standing with him. He nodded his head in agreement as he stepped outside…'God he could use a cigarette.' He had waited too long, too many years had passed, and he had left too many things unspoken.

It was going to be obvious that she had changed her shirt and fluffed her hair out and even more obvious when she sprayed a quick sprits of perfume on her neck. Her daughter even barely accepted the "Mommy has to talk about grown up stuff." when Buffy told her about the sitter, but she was promised a new Barbie doll so all was forget in the excitement of that. She didn't know what the hell she was doing, she was married, and happily in fact and no way in hell should she be doing this, but she was. And as she kissed her daughter goodbye and stood to meet Spike, she knew that he still had some sort of hold on her.

He held the door of the bar open for her, shocked when she stated "I don't need you to do that." Bloody hell he was just trying to be nice, this is what Buffy did to him, turned him into a ponce. "Suit yourself." He replied and let the door fall shut in her face. She looked put out after that, ordering a drink and sipping it slowly, casting a glance or two his way. She was still so beautiful, a mixture of pissed off arrogance and sheltered innocence. She still made a heart that he didn't have flutter with the affection he reserved only for her. "So…" he started, lifting his beer for a toast. "Shall we play a game slayer?"

She knew better that to trust that smirk, the look of absolute mischief personified on his face, but she had never been one to lose. "You're on." She replied with a clank of her drink against his. "Well here is the game now…whoever can drink the most shots in a minute wins." "What? This game is stupid Spike." He cocked an eyebrow. "Stupid because you are going to lose." There is was again, that fire in the pit of her stomach that wouldn't allow her to lose to him. "No…stupid, because you came all this way to lose." He smiled at her then big and broad, gorgeous cheekbones rippling from the effort. "Now there is the Buffy I know and love." There was nothing hidden in his statement, nothing guarded or shadowed…just truth. It made her want to cry.

'Come on now Spike you know the rules, no declarations of love until you are so drunk you can't count to ten.' He mentally chastised himself as her face crumbled. He was at a loss at what to say after that, should he get down on one knee and propose…that would be insane enough that she would laugh right, or maybe she would punch him, yell, curse, anything but that forlorn look on her face right now. "Buffy, love, are you alright?" he asked, concerned creeping into every line on his face. She didn't answer, didn't meet his gaze, and just stared at the bottom of her glass.

'Say something…say ANYTHING.' Her brain raced for a response to his comment, wanting to dismiss it as a joke, but looking into his soulful eyes she realized he was dead serious. 'Was she alright…hmm let's think about that for a minute…no she was not alright, she was falling back into him.' "Fine." She muttered, taking a long swig of her drink. "Let's play."

The shots were all lined up on the bar and he was ready…she looked just as ready as she glanced over at him. "Good luck Spike…you're going to need it." And they were off, she was right of course as she slammed one down her throat, he followed the action, hoping that he would be a little bit quicker than her. He had two down, she had five, he had four, she had eight, God when had he become such a pansy. It burned as it went through him, but not as much as when memories of him and Buffy slammed into him…their first kiss, holding her in her sleep, joking around a table full of food, fights, sex, love making, it all flooding into his brain as she slammed the last shot down, cheeks rosy and cried triumphantly. "I win!"

She was almost positive that she had won as she grinned at the bleach blood vampire, swimming in and out of view. "That you did Buffy that you did." He looked taken aback at the five shots that still remained on his side of the bar. "You become an alcoholic while I have been away?" he joked and she swallowed the bitter taste in her mouth. "You've been gone long enough I could be a lesbian…although there was that one time." Her mouth was saying words she didn't want too, things she had kept locked away. "So you have been back from the dead for ten years, you didn't think of oh…I don't know telling me!" she wanted to stop, but angry tears started to pour down her face. "Did I mean that little to you!"

"What?" he inquired, "How can you even ask something like that?" he was getting mad now. Did she not understand that she was the best thing that ever happened to him, the bloody Romeo to his Juliet, that she had saved him? "Well how do you expect me to feel?" he took her arm and led her out to the alleyway outside. "Look Buffy if you think for a second that I didn't want to then you are insane! I was stuck at Wolfram and Hart for six months as a ghost, then you have the little trip to Rome where you were shagging the Immortal, and then oh yeah the little issue of the LA going to Hell! I had loads and loads of time to pick up the telly and call you!" he was as angry as she was and not nearly as drunk. "The Immortal, you were in Rome?" she asked confused. "Yes, I was." "But you never said anything…" "Angel and I saw you dancing with the Immortal and Andrew told us you were happy so," "Wait Angel! Where does he fit into all of this?" "Where he always has, right in between you and me."

Either she was really drunk, or Spike has really just said that. "I was with Angel first." He grimaced. "Yes I know, but after your little sex and evil show, I was there for you, always, and you always loved him more." "He was my first love Spike!" she cried in defense. "And you Buffy, were mine." "Well it is too late for this type of talk, I am married." He looked sad as he said. "Buffy, it was always too late for you and me." "Why do you say that?" "Because I was in love with you, you could never be in love with me."

He barely had enough time to utter his statement before her arms trapped him in an embrace. "I did love you." She said, pulling him closer. "I did love you Spike." He felt at home as he returned the embrace. "I still do love you Buffy." Her head rose slightly, as he wiped a tear from her eye. "I'm pretty damn sure I always will. You're under my skin Buffy." He leaned in closer, thoughts going hazy as he kissed her. She smelt like vanilla, and as she returned the kiss a dark place in his soul lit up again.

They made love for the first time in the alleyway; it was not how she remembered it, rough and violent, and full of self hatred. It was soft and sweet, like they were sharing a soul, an essence, it was a goodbye, she knew thatas she lay on top of him, enjoying the feeling of his feeling stroking her hair. It was supposed to be like this, her and Spike, side by side, fighting and loving like it was as natural as breathing, but it wasn't and nothing could change that now. "I'd better get home." She said after awhile of silence. She felt his chest rise and fall in a broken sigh. "Yeah." He whispered. "Wouldn't want your husband to get worried."

They stood outside of her house, both avoiding the others eyes until Spike coughed. "Well Buffy, it's been a nice visit." "Lovely." She agreed. "Must do it again sometime." He replied. "Sounds good." He leaned in and gently kissed her on her forehead. "You have a good life Buffy, I am just sad I couldn't be apart of it." His voice wound around her like a comforting love. "Me too." She whispered, voice breaking. He turned and walked away then, throwing a hand up in the air. "See you around Slayer." He called and when he didn't turn and run to her or smile over his shoulder she knew it was over. She stayed like that for awhile, waiting for his figure to disappear into the night, before her little girl came running down the steps of the porch. "Is everything ok mommy?" Buffy turned, face glistening with her tears. "Yes Sweetheart everything is just fine."


End file.
